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I’ve had a Facebook account for a little over two years now, and considering I’ve become somewhat of a Facebook pundit *based on the opinions of the five people sitting next to me*, I think I know a thing or two about bad etiquette on and offline. There are a lot of things I let slide, but others just get underneath the subcutaneous tissue of my skin and I’m sure similar issues arise on other social sites as well. As such, I feel obligated to point out some of the obvious Facebook etiquette rules that people continue to break, in the hopes that one day, they think twice before posting.

drunk_girls

Updating your status with cryptic messages

sweet oh luscious life, celebrate your dreams while you are away. doesn’t it taste so sweet? like it’s growing on the trees
I’ll admit that sometimes cryptic messages can be quite poetic but it’s usually pretty obvious that they are intended for a particular person. Otherwise, you must find yourself terribly interesting and have a strong need for people to ask “Ooooooh, I wonder what that means.” It’s like including everyone to feel excluded.

Sending a HUGE mass private message so that whenever any one of the 200 people respond to it, you think you have new and exciting mail

new_messages

I would say that nearly half of the messages I get are no longer aimed at me personally. I think others would agree that it is hugely disappointing and gnawingly frustrating to see you have a New Message in your inbox, only to find out you have yet again been the target of another group invite, cause or event that you want no part of.

Countdowns

“38 days until my wittle sweetiepie comes home !!!” (read: Aw-ful.)

Chain statuses asking you to post whatever it is in YOUR status to “spread the word”

Argh! I get these kinds of messages all the time, either from the aggressive hard-sellers, or the notorious do-gooders. Honestly, it truly is very sad that over a billion ants die each year from people stepping on them, but please, pretty please, stop monopolizing my News Feed with impractical ideals. I’m all for good causes, but when the same person continuously asks me to get involved, my kindness begins to wear thin and eventually I’ll just ignore them.

Pregnancy/Baby Picture Overload

pregnant

I made the mistake of adding a girl I went to high school with even though we were never really friends. She was now married with a baby on the way, but also seemed to think she was beginning a career as a pregnant model over FB. Until I realized that you could hide people from your News Feed I would be bombarded with pictures of her in negligees flaunting her big pregnant belly from over 400 different angles. (Don’t even get me started on the ultra-sounds!) When her son was finally born, it then became an incursion of baby pictures. Cute, but after 10, 20, 500 pictures, I got the point. The way I see it, if you’re going to be one of those people that adds everyone they’ve ever met, then your friends list likely includes a good three quarters of people who don’t really give a horse’s snot what your baby’s poop looks like.

Calling in sick for work yet making your status “Crazy Night… Still Bombed!”

douche

If you’re going to lie, then for Pete’s sake, do it right, would you?

Posting awful pictures of people and tagging them

double_chin

I think it’s pretty self-explanatory why this is bad form.

Adding work colleagues to your network but continuing to include the time you were naked in a hot tub filled with Jell-O

ray_lam

People never cease to amaze me with their utter disregard for who might see them on a medium as public as FB. If you’re going to add your work colleagues to your social network, then you should fix your settings so that only select people can see your racy content. An NDP candidate in Vancouver had to step down after several photos on his FB page were deemed inappropriate. One picture showed him clutching a woman’s breast, while another showed two people tugging at his underwear. Visitors didn’t even have to be signed up as his friend in order to view them.

Dissing your workplace/co-workers/boss whilst forgetting they are part of your network

I think this girl’s mistake says it all:

fb_fail

Carrying out personal conversations only you and another person are in on

A few inside jokes here and there, no problem whatsoever. It’s the grossly personal exchanges that are made public anyway which make me feel guilty for even looking. Again, an action which makes everyone feel inclusively excluded.

Posting important news (death, wedding, pregnancy) instead of calling people individually

You’d think it would be pretty straightforward- the more important the information, the more personal the venue used to disclose that information should be. How would you feel if you found out your sister was pregnant because you happened to check her FB status? Or that Granny passed away because Mom thought it would be more convenient to let everyone know through FB. Shouldn’t those closest to you find out before your acquaintances? If it’s going to be through FB, make it timely, be sure you’ve let the crucial people know first, and at the very least, send out a private message.

Application Overload

barn_buddies
I don’t care what Chinese symbol you are, that you have completed Level 1 of cabbage mastery in Farm Ville, or that you’ve expanded your farm on Barn Buddy, if there is a button you can press not to share that information, you would do us all a favor by pressing it.

Breaking up over FB

Perhaps you recall the Daily Mail article about the British guy who divorced his wife over FB.  Lancashire resident Neil Brady decided to change his relationship status on FB to “Neil Brady has ended his marriage to Emma Brady”. Emma only found out she was single after getting a call from Denmark, from a friend asking her “how she was hanging in”. Breaking up is never easy, but using FB as a means of doing it, that is more than bad manners, my friend.

Adding people you’re not friends with

Not that I’m adverse to meeting new people, but call me old fashioned if I prefer getting to know someone in the flesh. I’ve had people from Greece to Guadalupe requesting to be my friend. I’ve discovered that I had been getting a person’s name wrong until actually seeing it spelled out when they tried to add me. I’ve even had someone ask me if I was on FB instead of asking for my number. I’m not sure what it is people need to prove by having a friends’ list of over 1,000 people (excluding those who use social sites for marketing). According to Barry Wellman, a sociologist at the University of Toronto, the average person has about 120 “friends” on Facebook. In real life, most people have an average of three very close friends and about 20 they would consider “pretty close to”. The fact that you’ll just add someone you don’t know in order to build up a number doesn’t make your “friendly” intentions seem very genuine.

122 comments

Posted by sharon fisher at 12:53 pm at 27. October 2009

Speaking of cryptic messages, how about the ones where people offhandedly indicate they’re having some sort of crisis but don’t say what it is.

Posted by AAA Copywriter at 1:10 pm at 27. October 2009

This isn’t netiquette, simply plain good old common sense. :)

Alex

Posted by Kar Manning at 4:05 pm at 27. October 2009

Common sense isn’t so common these days– Love the article!

Posted by Lisa Marie at 12:52 am at 28. October 2009

oh dear god yes…i hate the applications and invites to join causes…i even made my name stop inviting me to join causes and games! nobody listened..no i go in to check messages and then log out completly..i only check it once every couple of weeks anyway.

Posted by katie at 12:58 am at 28. October 2009

This is nothing but a boom in marketing which is forcing everyone to add more friends (to promote their stuff) and applications (monitory aspects). Although, bigger sites are now making sure that even if you have lots of friends you can’t request them to review, digg, stumble your promotions. Still i feel posting illicit images is a major problem especially if you are working in office or sitting at home with your child.

Posted by daniel post senning at 9:43 am at 28. October 2009

Great post. Being a facebook user in the world of etiquette I really appreciate the substance and the good humor.

Posted by Random Guy at 12:31 pm at 28. October 2009

Aside from the professionally related rules, which should be common sense to anyone with a job where it matters what you say on your Facebook, the rest of this article reads as a laundry list of things that you personally don’t like.

If you have such an issue with things that make you feel excluded, or baby pictures, chain status updates, or cryptic updates, perhaps you can put the feeds of the culprits on hide, or disable your Facebook account and keep your self righteous microcosm intact. Nobody will alienate you from humanity if your ostracize yourself of your own free will.

Posted by just a note at 1:25 pm at 28. October 2009

On the friends comment… his count didn’t factor in family. I have about 110 fb “friends”. Some are friends, some are members of groups I’m involved in, and good percentage are family members. Now, some of them I haven’t met, but I wouldn’t have ever met them if not for fb. Just a note.

Posted by Bryan Irrera at 1:53 pm at 28. October 2009

The only one of these that I have to disagree with is the “application overload” one. Why? Because you can always choose to hide individual applications from your newsfeed. I want to see the updates from Farmville (the lost animals to adopt, etc. because they give me things to advance in my own game) and don’t want to see updates from Mafia Wars (I don’t play that game). Simple: I click “hide” in the top right of the status update and then choose from “hide ___insert person’s name here__” and “hide ___insert application here___”. Just as you can remove the people who post way too many pictures of their baby, you can also remove the updates that are specific to certain apps…

Posted by Mary at 2:29 pm at 28. October 2009

Thanks for all your comments.

@Bryan While I certainly agree that the Hide button can easily make many of these problems go away, what I’m suggesting is for some people to consider diminishing the amount of superfluous information they post so people don’t have to constantly hide and block people in their news feed. The etiquette rules I’ve pointed out are suggestions as to what may bother some of their Facebook friends.

Posted by Melanie at 3:14 pm at 28. October 2009

I’m with Random Guy — this really does just read like a list of things that annoy you personally. So, that’s not etiquette, this is really a primer on how not to annoy one person on Facebook.

Posted by Neil at 3:41 pm at 28. October 2009

Melanie & Random Guy – no, Mary is 100% right. The worrying bit is that you think those things are acceptable behaviour. Etiquette is, in part, about manners and the so-called “laundry list” are all extremely poor manners, at best. At worst, they’re are pathetically anti-social.

Neil

Posted by Noreen Thompson at 4:56 pm at 28. October 2009

My in-laws all feel like I personally attack them over face book in my status message, but the fact of the matter is I have another family in which they are not apart of. I guess this is why you shouldn’t add your in laws to any of your pages.

Posted by Dorfmunder at 6:08 pm at 28. October 2009

I am so sick of people posting every morsel they put in their mouth. We get it, you eat trendy and/or homemade comfort food and we are all SO impressed.

Posted by dj adelaide at 7:59 pm at 28. October 2009

great post, i hate it when people use facebook simply to promote themselves without any regard for others! if i see someone’s status update and think to myself “i don’t give a damn about what this person did today” then i delete them from my profile!

Posted by Melanie at 8:28 pm at 28. October 2009

Neil, in what universe is posting your personal pictures on your personal facebook (or flickr or myspace or whatever) page a breach of etiquette? If Mary doesn’t like it, she can hide the feed. But it’s not a breach of etiquette, it’s just annoying, like many of the things she’s listed here.

Posted by Laurel at 10:34 pm at 28. October 2009

I was about to post this link on my Facebook, but realized that I have a few close friends who are guilty of doing all of these at some point. I agree these are very annoying.

Posted by Zombie at 10:59 pm at 28. October 2009

People using Facebook as a political soapbox. I’ve started ignoring a few old college pals because they won’t stop ranting about politics, and even managing to work snide political comments into innocuous or personal updates.

Posted by Manticore at 11:42 pm at 28. October 2009

just more reasons for me never to get a stupid fucking facebook. ugh.

Posted by misandry at 8:49 am at 29. October 2009

oh god the baby pictures. I’m happy for my friends and stuff, sure. But all the baby pictures. ugh. It really annoys me that my friends who have babies change their profile pic to their kid. If nothing else it’s confusing! LOL

Posted by Shay Collazo at 11:04 am at 29. October 2009

well said, well written.

I try to keep my friends list to people I can be myself around. I feel I can indulge in small improprieties, such as potty mouth and photo overload of my art.

thanks for writing on this topic, I am going to pare down my friends list (again), no kidding!

Posted by Gian M. from Italy at 1:59 pm at 29. October 2009

I’m a fb member since 2007, but I’m seriously reconsidering the fact. I simply find there are too different people within my fb friends: real-life friends, colleagues, my mom, my girlfriend, members of my family at large, ex school-mates. A nightmare! So I posed myself this question: Why should I gather in the same place people I would never mix in the real life? Why to be obliged to mix present and past so oddly? Now I’ve set my privacy options as strictly as possible and I’ve reduced radically my nonchalance when writing a post etc. Quitting fb sounds me too radical, but using it exploiting only 10% of its features sounds quite empty… However, the net is a public place and fb too as a part of it.

Posted by Holly at 2:45 pm at 29. October 2009

Most of this stuff is just your personal pet peaves. Little of what you mentioned has to do with actual etiquette. If you don’t like what people do with their own Facebook pages, then drop them as friends and get over it.

Posted by Jerri at 2:52 pm at 29. October 2009

I agree with many of your ideas. I do not have a desire to have 1000′s of friends or that it’s a contest. I have made my own personal rule of no in-laws. I found I was altering my posts so as to be angelic enough to impress my inlaws. It’s worked out great. I can now be who I want to be. I had a friend who was in a local stage production and told us all every little detail while imploring everyone to buy tickets several times a day. I deleted him from my list-my option. My daughter-in-law is a cryptic writer. It drives me crazy but at least it contact. And one friend writes about what he’s making for dinner. While it sounds delicious it’s boring. He’s on my “maybe” delete list if he doesn’t post something else soon. And I know many young people who have been passed over for employment due to poor FB posts.

Posted by Viz at 3:26 pm at 29. October 2009

I agree with some of these. The point is not each behavior, but overdoing it. I mean, I like to see my friends’ baby pictures, but not hundreds of them. I don’t mind seeing an application show up, I’ll ignore it.
It’s surely easier when u have a limited number of friends. I know all the people in my friends list, and some time I even clean it up when there is people I am unlikely to be in contact with again. I find it annoying too.

I’d like to point out a couple of things I really dislike:
- updating the status with everything you do: e.g: Viz is in a bar drinking a beer with Jim and Mike // Viz is buying carrots // Viz is this and that. Who cares?
- creating/becoming member of the most banal groups: People that like kissing; People that are against child abuse; People that like to have breakfast. So?

Posted by Rob at 3:59 pm at 29. October 2009

As a fan of fb, I disagree with most of your “rules.” In short, fb is what individual users want it to be. They don’t do fb for you, they do it for themselves. If someone has content that breaks your “rules,” then defriend them or “hide” them. It’s that simple.

Posted by Mary at 4:43 pm at 29. October 2009

Thanks again for all your comments. It’s certainly interesting to read about all the different perspectives people have regarding Facebook and Facebook etiquette (or lack thereof ;) .

Information technology is still a relatively new concept for most people and in many ways we are still in the beginning stages of developing our own methods of “sifting through the trash” (so to speak) and making decisions on what to do with all that information available to us on the world wide web. Read it, ignore it, the same applies to Facebook. I’m just taking a humorous approach to bringing up some of the issues that me, my friends, my coworkers have agreed are annoying, distasteful FB behaviours and find out what other people think.

Posted by charlie at 8:46 pm at 29. October 2009

Hi Mary,
I was wondering if you could either remove or blur the photo of the girl in the photo with the NDP candidate.
She is a close friend of mine, and was extremely upset to see her make national headlines. thankfully the media was kind enough to blur her photo and spare her the indignity of attention.
so please remove or at the very least blur this picture.
as a courtesy at least.

also as a by the way, it wasn’t on his page, but on a friends, and he wasn’t tagged.
that was just some dirty digging by an opposing candidate.

cheers.

Posted by Spicy Boughner at 8:51 pm at 29. October 2009

Wouldn’t it be just a tad bit easier to not, you know, take facebook so seriously? I mean after all it is…facebook.

At the same time, I really wish they had just left it open to college/academia type folks and alumni, stuff like that.

Posted by Gian M. from Italy at 12:37 pm at 30. October 2009

For Rob:
The big misunderstanding is that facebook is actually a public place, not a private one. Your fb home page should be condidered as the main square of your village, not as your living room.

Posted by Andrew at 7:18 pm at 30. October 2009

I hope you realize that as of January of this year, 53% of Facebook users are under the age of 24, the demographic Facebook was intended for. It was originally made for a virtual hangout for one single college. It caught on but it has still has the same idea. A place for college and now high school students to communicate and “hang out” in a virtual world. I personally disagree with your etiquette rules. Facebook was made for young people. If you don’t want to be in a virtual world or disagree with their ways, with them then you can leave.

Posted by PrincessG at 3:30 pm at 31. October 2009

I have to say that to no one has to read anything I post on MY facebook page. I hide post that I don’t have an interest in reading. The day I go to post something and I have to worry about who I may upset or offend is the day I start deleting people or I just leave facebook all together.

I think the issue is that people don’t want to delete those that annoy them because they still want the ability to nose around on their page. you can’t really have it both ways and you absolutely can’t take facebook that seriously.

Posted by Patrick D. at 12:12 am at 1. November 2009

I have to agree with a large group of people here. These rules aren’t rules of etiquette. They’re your personal gripes. I do what I want with my stream. If someone doesn’t like it, they’re free to hide apps or drop me altogether. I’m not curtailing my life because someone doesn’t like me to post pics of my kids.

Posted by Sarah P. at 1:21 pm at 2. November 2009

I loved your post, it is so true, each and everyone. Please keep it up. It was written with humour also.

Posted by Ian at 1:00 am at 4. November 2009

One can call these etiquettes but I consider them pet peeves by different people. Anyway, one can always ignore by hiding these posts or to some extreme dropping them from your list. I enjoyed the article and made me chuckle too.

Posted by E'Ronda at 12:34 pm at 4. November 2009

Ok…..seriously >>> get a life!!! This is a communication site amongst friends & newcomers…. & they can do as they want, however they want >>> ON THEIR PAGE!!! ” (It doesn’t say much for ppl that take the time to go on another’s page & comment about what pix they have up & what it is that’s bein’ said on THEIR page…) I have an idea, its a good one>>>> If u don’t like what they post don’t look…. & further more get OFF FB >>> if u don’t like how they CONDUCT things here…>> Period, enuff said….. (My MAJOR PET PEEVE>>> Is ppl that take the time & find things to ridicule & complain about & try to make it a BIG DEAL to others, it is simply ridiculous!!! ) Let’s go get a life….. & maybe these lil’ things that bother u About FB, won’t bother u sooooo much!!! It says lil’ for anyone that spends all their wakin’ moments on here & takes this site too serious, really…. lol….. ;) *** I will say ond thing >>>U had a point on a few things (such a the mass emails & advertisin’ sent to inboxes), but not enuff 2 target & make it a concern to others… >>> U went WAY OVER BOARD on the majority… Ppl should be allowed to express themselves however they see fit!!!! That’s what makes us our own individuals amongst every 1 !!! I am a firm believer in self expressions & explorations….. Lettin’ ppl find themselves, especially through one’s mistakes is how they will learn… not anyone indirectly pointin’ it out to them, be it in what ever & how ever they do it…. Ok this is my take on this…. FYI, don’t bother replyin’ to me directly about what it is I had to say cuz I really don’t care what u think about what I think… My skin is tougher then a few words typed here that u might think would bother me… I usually don’t respond to such silliness but someone had to respond in this manner…. & who better then me… cuz I do half this stuff & find nuttin’ wrong w/ it…. I find MUCH wrong in ppl who do, especially when it doesn’t pertain to them!!! Ppl r ppl, soooo just let it be… Live life to the fullest & don’t sweat the small stuff…. & for those who do…. >>> There is a book out there to HELP u with those issues…. ;)

Posted by Occasional FB USer at 3:59 pm at 4. November 2009

Hahaha. is this comment ^ a joke? I like how the comment saying “get a life” and “don’t sweat the small stuff” is the longest one.

The town square comment is a good one. Sure, people should be allowed to “express themselves” (although that is a very over-dramatic way of defining some facebook activities), but the fact is you need to be respectful. The view “it’s my page and you can just block it” is very self serving. You don’t walk up to every one of your friends every time you see them in public and thrust 200 pictures of your pregnant stomach in their face do you? They could tell you to go away, but it is just plain manners not to put them in that position in the first place. In the digital age, why should online social networking be any different?

Posted by Steve at 3:45 pm at 4. November 2009

I absolutely hate it when a couple exchange “I love you my sexy little sweetie pie” for all to read. Come on you wankers. If you are so insecure in your relationship get some therapy. No one wants to read that you miss each other, love each other or are still glowing from the night before.

Posted by emmers at 7:49 pm at 4. November 2009

@ E’Ronda…I Can’t even READ your message. You’re all for self-expression, yet I have to decode your writing…Great article, Mary.

Posted by KidRock at 1:56 pm at 5. November 2009

Your article sucks. I think you are kind of a jerk.
Having a baby is a beautiful thing, and while I’m not a mother or pregnant, at least I have the patience to understand that it is the most important part of their life.

Don’t be a selfish ***hole and spend your time doing something better with yourself because this is obviously not your strong point. Most of it just sounds like a rambling bafoon.

Posted by BlueCaribe at 11:48 pm at 5. November 2009

I think of FB as a diner where friends drop in and say hello, share their news, etc. Blocking ‘overposters’ is one way of managing your news feed, as well as blocking applications.

My key management technique is tagging people into groups, i.e. Friends, Family, Alumni, Mafia War buds, etc. That way I can click on each group to see what’s new in that common world. I want to know when my MW buds need help. I want to see pix of a friends new baby. I want to know what my family is up to.

As far as what I post…I try to keep it current, fresh and definitely keep highly personal stuff personal. I also use common sense about adding friends. LinkedIN for business and Facebook for fun and never the twain shall meet!

Posted by woo879 at 1:22 am at 6. November 2009

I would also add the perpetually depressed or manic depressive posts- get a therapist and for heaven’s sake do not enable them!

Posted by blt at 4:05 am at 7. November 2009

what a bunch of elitist crap. “Hey I don’t like what you do so I’m going to force my opinions on how you should act, on you”

If you don’t like it, don’t add them as your friend. fuckin simple eh?

Posted by Don at 4:05 pm at 8. November 2009

If you only want the person you sent the message toreply. Then send them a private message.

Posted by BigCheese at 6:29 pm at 8. November 2009

I hope you aren’t one of those ugly sluts at the top.

Posted by Ken Pasco at 4:52 pm at 9. November 2009

I agree with the article. Who gives a shit how you did playing Farkle? And Yes, all the postings of babies are B-0-R-I-N-G!!!!!!! All the postings are mainly of people who have a dull life but want to assert themselves in some fashion. Sure, go ahead, but I won’t be reading it.

Posted by King at 1:18 pm at 10. November 2009

The internet is overrated…I’m gonna get a job that never requires me to use a computer. I swear my IQ has dropped by half since I started using the new “idiot machine”.

Posted by AJS at 10:29 am at 18. November 2009

I think you make a lot of good points. Sure, it’s a personal page, but I don’t think many people would say the things they post in the middle of the town square. People seem to have this idea that they are safe on the internet and they really aren’t… especially when they friend people like their co-workers, professors, etc. I get annoyed, but my one consolation is they will get screwed over in the end.

Posted by Mike at 4:47 pm at 18. November 2009

I am actually a senior in college (for those of you who don’t know, we used to be the only ones allowed in to FB), and I deleted my facebook junior year because of basically all of the points you made on this post, not to mention countless others like say, having everyone know what I’m doing all the time. Facebook USED to be good. It WAS a fun, nice way to keep in touch and meet people. Then they wanted more ad revenue, so they let every other moron on and made it exactly like myspace.

I hate the narcissistic culture we live in where everyone thinks that everyone else cares about each inane thought that crosses their mind. That’s the way it is though.

Posted by Patrick D. at 6:59 pm at 18. November 2009

Boo-hoo, would you like a tissue, you bunch of whiners? ‘I used Facebook when it was still cool’ is exactly like those douuchebags who liked some band BEFORE they got big and ‘sold out to the man’. Then get off Facebook and shut the hell up, you elitist snob.

Posted by lisa at 12:42 pm at 22. November 2009

Thank You! I mean WTF use some common sense, people seem to think that they are somehow invincible through the internet; My 3 simple rules: Never embarrass or humiliate anyone, keep your personal business between you and your friends, and don’t post anything your mother can’t look at!

Posted by Rdn at 5:21 pm at 22. November 2009

so what if what is etiquette for you is not so much so for me?

just like people to try to force their beliefs on everyone else

i mean really if it is something like an add invite and you dont want to do it, just simply dont, i mean i know you are a super star, but sometimes, you have to come back down here with us normal folk…..

Posted by Fred at 12:47 am at 28. November 2009

My favorite are the people who address each other with “@name”. This isn’t twitter, and you’re not cooler or more trendy and hip by spelling “@name” instead of “name,” or “name:”. In fact, it makes you look ridiculous.

Posted by MeMe at 2:15 pm at 8. December 2009

so what if someone posts cryptic status updates? if they don’t want to be understood, who cares? look at the next person’s profile instead, and leave it alone. the world doesn’t revolve around you. some people really are self-important pricks.

Posted by MeMe at 2:26 pm at 8. December 2009

actually, anyone who thinks compiling an “etiquette” for whatever is worth the effort has probably too much time at their hands, and a disgustingly bloated ego. take a deep breath, relax. a lot of people will keep doing things in a lot of ways that you don’t approve of, and it’s not the end of the world.

Posted by piper at 5:32 am at 13. December 2009

if you dont like it when ppl do that stuff then dont go on fb. its a place for ppl to do those things and proud mothers will post whatever they feel like.

Posted by Invicta Lupah Watch at 2:27 pm at 19. December 2009

Rules were meant to be broken. Its never going to be completely clean.

Posted by Ben at 6:54 pm at 19. December 2009

Nice collection! :) I was particularly amused by the girl who dissed her boss.

I have a friend who periodically complains on her status about how she is getting fat and can’t stop eating. Sometimes I just feel like shutting her up. :/

Anyway, I found this site because an ex-colleague I find extremely childish and annoying has sent me an invite on FB. This puts me in a conundrum because on the one hand I do not like to be rude and reject invitations from people I know; on the other hand this person does not respect personal boundaries and will probably bug the hell out of me once she’s on my list.

Posted by Ben at 6:58 pm at 19. December 2009

“actually, anyone who thinks compiling an “etiquette” for whatever is worth the effort has probably too much time at their hands, and a disgustingly bloated ego. take a deep breath, relax. a lot of people will keep doing things in a lot of ways that you don’t approve of, and it’s not the end of the world.”

Maybe you could take your own advice then? :)

Posted by BigJohn at 2:04 am at 22. December 2009

This and more defines exactly my reasons for not even being a part of facebook, myspace, or any other social networking site. I prefer to be anonymous on the net. All the noobs that are new to the interwebz don’t actually realize that they are making much of their private information available to ANYONE who wants to see it, not just their “friends”. Most of you should just go back to REAL social networking and leave the internet for those of us who know wtf to do with it. At least make it more difficult for others to exploit your stupidity.

Posted by Jordan Brooke at 2:56 am at 23. December 2009

The last one is kind of stupid. I mean what is the point of social networking if not to meet new and interesting people. If I know someone in real life I don’t need to talk to them on the Computer, between seeing them, talking to them on the phone and texting I have more than enough ways to keep on contact with someone without getting online, logging into face book and sending them a message.

And if you only use facebook to keep in touch with people you never see, you’re a very boring person and there’s probably a reason you never see them.

Posted by doe at 8:02 pm at 24. December 2009

For people complaining about photos – on your page FB only posts 3 preview thumbnails that could include an album of 100 photos…That’s all you see in the post – 3 previews, i.e. ONE LINE.

You have to click on the album to see all 100. So the people whining about not wanting to see other’s photos are bitching about something they are making an actual effort to participate in. They clicked and went snooping through their friends photos, making the effort on their behalf – then they complain about something they were the ones doing in the first place (looking).

Don’t click the link/album/photo preview if you don’t want to see the photos, people.

Also, it’s a free country and freedom of speech still applies to FB. If you actually deleted every person that did one of the things on this list, you’d have ZERO friends left. People will be people, good or bad, practice some acceptance, learn how to use the privacy and hide features, and yes, get over yourself. You cannot control how the world communicates..

I find that the insane diversity of styles is more entertaining. What I am offended or annoyed by, I hide or delete as a friend. Simple enough. Live and let live.

Posted by not cryptic at 1:25 am at 15. January 2010

that message is not cryptic at all. It’s a lyric from the patrick watson song: Luscious Life

Posted by Mr Blue at 12:23 pm at 15. January 2010

Almost everything on this list is stupid. You sound like the boring old retired people that complains on everything on public access radio. You know people who has no lifes, and just are bitter instead of trying to live. It is easy to manage the problems you have on facebook… just block applications that irritates you and block people that posts too much stuff that you don’t like. You just have one point: Telling about deaths and such should be in person, not public on the internet.

Posted by Mr Blue at 12:25 pm at 15. January 2010

… and I forgot… These are not rules. I have never seen them before and they are just your stupid inventions. No wonder nobody follows them.

Posted by Pouque at 3:16 pm at 17. January 2010

“Most of it just sounds like a rambling bafoon.”

Wow, the irony. Perhaps s/he meant “buffoon?”

Posted by KidRock at 3:23 pm at 17. January 2010

lol how is that Ironic? I spelled one word wrong. Oh man that must mean I’m stupid. If you read once in a while, you would know the definition of ironic, and realize it doesn’t apply here.

You’re the idiot.

Posted by Dave at 3:04 pm at 18. January 2010

Well done. Facebook should make everybody sign this before starting an account

Posted by dontgiveashit at 3:56 am at 19. January 2010

I got a few good laughs reading replies. People are strange and funny and inappropriate and annoying. Someone had a good point about creating friend groups or lists. That’s what I do. I personally prefer in person, live flesh interactions, but when I log onto the internet world will send a quick note, share music videos, reply to email, remark on post or status. I have the option of how to use or not use facebook. Don’t really give a fuck how others use it. I mean if someone posted kiddie porn or photos abusing animals that’s something truly inappropriate and bothersome.

Posted by bocefus at 10:36 am at 20. January 2010

Good to know you’re the boss of everyone, fag.

Posted by Janet Glover at 5:03 pm at 21. January 2010

I really like mary!!!!!!!!!Really! And she’s incredibly sexy.

Posted by zoreo at 3:18 pm at 13. February 2010

The truth of the matter is that etiquette have always varied slightly based on social situation. The rules of etequette for dinner are one way with your family, another when you have friends over, and extreamly different when you have your boss over for dinner. For years people have written rules of etiquette. These rules are basicly what you should follow when you have your boss over for dinner.

Posted by swoop at 2:13 pm at 16. February 2010

might i direct your attention to

http://www.lamebook.com

unless your using it for business, and/or keeping in touch with loved ones (meaning 2 to 5 people at best).. you deserve to be on the the list above and the website i noted..

people are loosing contact with reality, and the natural ability to be a person.

sadly.. 375million users of the 400mil and growing are just the people are mention.

voyuerism and exhibitionisim @ its best

Posted by VISHAL at 1:31 am at 22. February 2010

Cool post…Love girls mistake…lol

Posted by Anon at 4:10 pm at 22. February 2010

Its pretty easy to hide feeds from Facebook applications. What annoys me is when people post things that could be easily solved. Just click hide and the application. Some I use and some I hid feeds from. Some picture I find are not bad of a person… but with their low self esteem they think everything is bad. They can easily untag pictures. People should be able to add whoever they want as a friend…. It is a social network after all. There are a lot of advantages of having acquaintance friends on there. I also think that companies shouldn’t be checking into peoples facebook profiles in any case. If a person does a good job at work and has the skills needed it is a prejudice to look into their private time just because they might not be up to date on how to manage the ever changing privacy settings. Essentially… who is anyone to say what FB etiquette is. Seems like this article is a bit naive to do so.

Posted by Wolfie Rankin at 11:03 am at 23. February 2010

As far as applications go, I don’t really want any… because I’m involved with other online things and don’t hang around FB all that much. I want FB for communication. and I have in my profile that you can follow me if you like but please don’t send any games or gifts to me, and for the most part, that seems to have worked. people seem to have got the drift that I’m happy to recieve replies and mostly answer, but don’t like the games much. I’m on twitter too, and hate how some people have thousands of followers, I don’t see the point. I’d rather have a small group of chatty people who I grow to like, and hopefully them to like me too. anyone with an agenda (selling crap) gets the blocked stick over their heads. :)

Posted by Jonny Opinion at 12:50 am at 28. February 2010

Don’t be so unimaginative. One of the best things about facebook is not understanding what your “friends” (most of whom aren’t really your friends, of course) are talking about, and reciprocating.

Posted by Hobittual at 3:30 pm at 28. February 2010

This article has only the vague appearance of an authority on the subject.
based on the opinions of the five people sitting next to me* This put me off straight away, you thought of something that we would not be able to check on, sorry, I find it hard to believe. Were these five people sitting waiting for you to finish this saga, or were they just beanie babies?
“with a newborn on the way”?
Was she having it delivered from somewhere, after it was born? That would constitute”a newborn on the way”
Perhaps “With an about to be born on the way” might have worked.
All this is said here is what we already know, lots of people use Farmville etc. and we get told about it, some people write their status without thinking about who can see it, some people put up awful inappropriate pics, do I need to go on?
This has very few facts padded out immensely for the purpose of looking as though it has something to say, which it doesn’t. On top of all this having stated the obvious, it suddenly ends!?!
Why use 20 words when 600 will do?

Posted by lizzie at 6:32 pm at 28. February 2010

“My favorite are the people who address each other with “@name”. This isn’t twitter, and you’re not cooler or more trendy and hip by spelling “@name” instead of “name,” or “name:”. In fact, it makes you look ridiculous.”

Are you a fucking idiot? You can now post your status to the person you want to. It’s been that way since before the date you posted your comment. You type @ and a list of your friends shows up; you start typing the name @J, it will filter for your friends that have names the start with J. you continue typing their name until you see the friends name show up. @Jane Doe; you click their name and it links it to their profile.

Posted by Sandra Conti at 1:27 pm at 1. March 2010

I totally agree on pregnant photos. I think they’re disgusting and that crap should be covered up. What’s so attractive about that? Some people are really nuts. And all the stupid drunk people out there that think it’s cool to show off, well, these kids drive drunk, and if someone gets hurt it’s always the innocent sober driver instead of the drunk kid behind the wheel. It should be the other way around. Legal drinking should be at least 25. Really no one should drink but what can you do?

Posted by DJ at 10:28 pm at 1. March 2010

I’ve got another one to add to your list

Don’t make a list about your excellent but way to interested in other peoples business facebook etiquette. :D

Posted by dee at 7:08 pm at 2. March 2010

fail… this article won’t let me share to facebook

Posted by s at 12:59 am at 11. March 2010

Funny how facebook is just a place for people to be egotistical and exploit their own lives for the “world” to see, your note reflects that perfectly. THere are other minds, opinions, cultures, ideas out there. Yours is not the best.

Posted by to you at 9:50 pm at 14. March 2010

simple solution: get rid of your facebook account. I bet this will show up on lamebook also.

Posted by Patrick at 10:15 pm at 15. March 2010

The only portion I wanted to comment on was the adding of lots of friends. On one had, I get what you’re saying where people just want to increase their friend count. However, when I need to get a hold of Steve who I hung out with twice 6 years ago for whatever random reason, Facebook is going to continually have his updated contact info. I definitely don’t have 300 friends, obviously. However, I do have 300 people that I might foreseeably want to contact at some point in the future, and who knows if I’ll actually remember their exact name to find it in my phone. On Facebook, I can search mutual contacts or pictures of faces until I find them.

I’m in charge of planning my highschool reunion in a couple years, and Facebook is most certainly going to prove itself invaluable in contacting all those people.

What Facebook could do is sort people into friends and acquaintances, which would make more sense, but that would probably cause more social trouble than it’s really worth.

Posted by Wisha at 3:57 am at 16. March 2010

You know what else is annoying? Seeing TGIFs every Friday and “I hate Monday”s every Monday.

Posted by Jackie at 1:31 am at 21. March 2010

If someone doesn’t like seeing applications you have the option to block them so you don’t see them. It’s very simple.

Posted by Breeder at 12:56 am at 26. April 2010

I agree with most of your points which is why you can’t see my profile at all when searching (unless you are a friend of a friend) and all co-workers are on a list which is blocked from albums, status updates, notes, etc. It is entirely possible and absolutely practical to make yourself virtually invisible on FB.

That said, I don’t understand the being annoyed by millions of baby pictures. Unless the person adds them one at a time or in different albums they only come up in the feed as three side by side pictures with the title of the album. Then if one wants to delve further you click the album link. If you don’t you pass it on by.

And consider this: YOU don’t want to see a bunch of pictures of her baby but her mother, father, in-laws, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends who have moved away, etc etc etc love seeing them (and quite possibly pester her for when she’s going to put up more).

I feel this complaint has less to do with etiquette, (common sense et al) and more to do with your own personal feelings on the subject of children and/or pregnancy. Otherwise your rule would’ve been about people who post a billion pictures of the same thing (them drinking, them in the bathroom mirror, sunsets, cats or whatever)

Posted by fu4ever at 9:45 pm at 17. May 2010

just stay out of other people’s business.

Posted by Thomas at 7:58 am at 29. June 2010

What a brilliant article. I agree with almost every point on here. I’m thinking of deleting my facebook (again) after reading this.

I’ve got better things to do.

Thanks for the brilliant read

Posted by Do Gooder at 10:50 pm at 5. September 2010

There is always a bunch of idiots that need to leave well enough alone.

Posted by Dilly at 9:15 pm at 9. September 2010

Common sense should prevail, yet it rarely does. I wonder how others feel about being asked for large “favors” via FB. Personally, I find it rude to be called upon to baby sit or house sit through FB, even more so to be called out for not responing in a timely fashion!

Posted by Cheryl at 9:04 am at 5. November 2010

Great Article ! Yes , Please do continue writing – Came across this while Stumbling on Stumbleupon.com and its by far one of the Best Stumbles I have gotten in a while . Thank You .

Posted by Shane at 5:26 am at 28. November 2010

Keep it simple and don’t take facebook too seriouslyThere is nothing wrong with baby photos because most people’s relatives would like to see them,but if you don’t like them,don’t look at them.

Posted by Chel at 7:08 pm at 29. November 2010

Well… As a recent departed from Facebook! I made the choice there is no reason for everyone to know everything.. And I realized I don’t want to know either! It became to much work ti keep up with who and/or what to block.. I stopped being ME! FaceBook is the DEVIL! New way of life… Hide behind you words :( . I just made the choice … It’s really that simple :)

Posted by Irate Reader at 1:18 pm at 18. December 2010

I notice that most of the “people” who posted to piss & whine about this list [which to me is 97% common sense!] cannot spell or otherwise formulate a coherent sentence to save their lives. Horrible grammar, constant profanity, caps lock, and don’t EVEN get me started on the “textspeak”: the words are “you” and “people”; if you’re too damned lazy to type out a THREE-LETTER-WORD, you do NOT belong at a computer. Go back to your pub crawls and inbreeding, you MORONS, and leave the technology to those of us who actually have the brains to USE it.

Posted by Terry at 2:23 pm at 17. January 2011

I loved the article! I came here from a Google search for Facebook etiquette. My pet peeve is people who hijack your post to make it “all about me”! I have a relative that does this constantly, so I wanted a list of etiquette reminders in hopes that she would recognize herself. The posts here gave me a chuckle, imo the ones getting testy are probably guilty of breaking all the “suggestions” given here.

Posted by gprincess at 2:28 pm at 17. January 2011

I love Terry is looking for internet etiquette yet he/she wants to post something in hopes that their relative with “get the hint.” Ummm what happened to just talking to them? Aren’t they you’re family.

New Rule: Don’t use facebook to say things your aren’t brave enough to say to peoples faces :-/ Talk about tacky.

Posted by Terry at 3:40 pm at 17. January 2011

Gee, gprincess, I think “tacky” is less hurtful then “just talking to them” Yes they’re my relative, that’s why I don’t want to directly hurt their feelings. You must be a barrel of laughs at family get-togethers. New Rule: don’t flame another poster or call names just because you disagree.

Posted by Gprincess at 3:56 pm at 17. January 2011

I am actually very entertaining at our shindigs! They know I’m a straight shooter so don’t do something ridiculous in my presence if you dont like being called out. I’d rather embarass you one on one instead of posting it on Facebook leaving you and all of my other 200+ friends and family to wonder if I’m referring to them.
Hey, to each his own TERRY ;-)

Posted by aaron at 9:40 am at 12. February 2011

about status and occasions, ung iba kasi papansin, kesyo ikakasal, birthday, nanganak etc etc.. binobroadcast sa FB, anu yun payabangan??? ung iba nga dyan sa FB pa nagdadasal feeling religous, the point is for what is that for, when nobody really cares..

Posted by Dr Dave Dulany at 6:09 am at 20. March 2011

What a fantastic article. Nice job.

dd

Posted by Kay at 10:04 pm at 29. May 2011

I just found this list while browsing commentary on Facebook etiquette after finding out that my best friend of seventeen years’ grandfather has passed away. His illness and related family issues have been very difficult for my friend to deal with recently, so she confided in me and sought my attention for support and advice because she had no one else she could speak openly with about the issue. I have been very close with her family since we were both children, and to find out that her grandfather has passed away from a status update posted a full day ago (in between relationship status updates), is a very disappointing but accurate indication of the quality of our friendship.

I am going to have to call HER in the morning to ask her if there is anything I can do for her or her family and to ask if she would like to have me present at her grandfather’s wake and/or funeral so I don’t randomly show up after reading about these things in the paper like a distant acquaintance.

I’m wondering now if it would even be appropriate to inform her during this call that I would have appreciated it if she had taken a minute of her time to call me instead of letting all of her acquaintances know about the death in her family while I worried about her family, not knowing this had happened.

PLEASE do not make the same mistake my friend made. I’m glad that this sort of behavior was mentioned on this list, along with some other very important things to keep in mind.

Posted by gbuddha2012 at 11:09 am at 23. June 2011

I’m new to facebook so I try and take it slow &
easy getting into the flow of things. My goal is reconnect with old friends and acquintances… maybe add a few new ones. I’ll see how this all works in the end.

Posted by Peter at 2:01 pm at 17. September 2011

Does anyone else see the irony of the people bashing this article for bashing people’s posts on Facebook? LOL! Author – Taking a stance on something always gets nice heartfelt reactions from both sides, but you gotta love all these pots calling the kettle black. Not to mention the strong wording and such determined self rightous banter, while sitting all comfy in their little anonymous bubble.

Posted by Jesus of Nazareth at 10:02 am at 3. October 2011
Posted by Jane | Tech Buzz Online at 1:09 am at 7. November 2011

It will be just enough if people started to use their common sense. Yes, loads of baby picture don’t look cute anymore.

Posted by Helene at 10:31 pm at 7. December 2011

I’ve been on facebook for about a year. I had no idea that comments I made on my fb page could be read by ppl outside my page, unless I post an , e.g., “share.” I have been chided for some remarks that I have made to someone’s post on my page. I agree with the previous comment — if you are going to correct my comments – then unfriend me or block me. I’ve thought of leaving fb because I don’t need to deal with feeling crazy about what I put on facebook. I don’t know all of the friends of my friends, so how can I know their reaction to what I comment? If I have to consider everyone of my friends and my friends’ friends, it’s too much work. In fact, it’s impossible.

Posted by tpsongz at 2:52 pm at 27. December 2011

YOU FORGOT ABOUT THOSE PEOPLE WHO TAKE WAY TOO MANY PICTURES OF THEMSELVES! ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY’RE IN THE BATHROOM HAHA

Posted by Reality Check at 8:53 pm at 22. January 2012

Its a Social Network folks, don’t take it so seriously, If you don’t like an application such as Sillyville or whatever, just block it, but anyway who am I to tell anyone what is acceptable and what’s not. I don’t believe any off us have the right to define how anyone anyone else should behave on their page, .. if I update a million baby pics and you ( my Imaginary FB Friend) does not like it, well then there is always the remove as friend button, and stop complaining, seriously. :)

Posted by Reality Check at 8:54 pm at 22. January 2012

I meant Of not Off ..sorry!

Posted by zoocheGex at 2:48 pm at 8. February 2012

ugg boots, drugs whatever send me i purchase all – ok swell ? here i my adress enigma
donandshe@yahoo.com

Posted by jo at 12:37 pm at 11. March 2012

I agree with some of these things but you know I dont agree with the pregnancy photo section. I only have really one way to talk to important people in my life. If you dont like things you yourself can block them. You dont have any right to tell people what is or isnt the right Etiquette. You have way to much time on your hands and people like you really dont seem to have a understanding of what is wrong or right. All you are is annoyed with people that do things you dont like. Other then that its not wrong its not the right Etiquette. Its just people showing what type of people they are.

Posted by facebook viewer at 11:33 am at 21. March 2012

Want to view private facebook profiles? http://www.mediafire.com/?8y1yz3w7lb6w9kf

Posted by Kimberley at 3:25 pm at 26. April 2012

Love the article….you missed one tho’….the constant complaining that one is sick…get off FB and go to the Dr…….or their child id sick, get off FB and get them to the Dr….etc….and if you are on FB , you dont have a real migraine…trust me!

Posted by Rima at 8:22 am at 20. June 2012

lol! I think I’m guilty of cryptic messages! loved the article!

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Posted by RIP at 11:43 am at 21. September 2012

The absolute worst failure of decency on FB is announcing the death a human being. This is sometimes done subtly: “I’m missing my friend Jack, who lost his battle with cancer.” So, every person that sees your status will know that that person has passed away… and that includes people who haven’t gotten the news yet… and that includes family and friends. When you do this, you are making that person’s death about you, which is wrong in its own right, but you should at least have the courtesy to wait 48 hours to make sure that nobody who cares has to find out via FB. I know a guy who learned about his grandfather’s death via FB. I know a girl who found out about the death of a friend via FB. It doesn’t matter whether YOU think it is OK, you will hurt someone.

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Posted by JohnM at 3:31 am at 6. November 2012

I am surprised that the behaviour that has lately annoyed me the most, is not here.
I am talking about someone plastering 5 or 6 things a day on MY wall; especially when it is just a cut-and-paste from some “wisdom” or “cute” site.
Maybe it’s so self explanatory you didn’t think it needed mentioning, but I was hoping to be able to send a link to someone who feels “reprimanded” and very offended because I have asked them to cut back on posting on my wall, so that my friends can find my own posts without having to scroll through a lot of stuff that would not interest them.